[personal profile] holytoastr
Life on my medicine is so much better than before, I don't even know how to describe it. The thyroid stuff crept up so slowly, it was like a slowly heating up crab pot. Before I knew what was happening, I was being boiled alive. But now everything works again! I think maybe my dose needs to be increased slightly because I'm still not at my former 100% energy levels, but I feel like I'm probably around 95% energy levels, which is still pretty good.

I was also put on a very low dose of antidepressants temporarily because of some of the thyroid symptoms, but at this point I'm a bit afraid to go off them because they have done MAGIC for my social anxiety. For the first time in my life, I am able to walk up to people and start conversations. For example, the other day, I asked a total stranger if I could pet her dog and then talked with her for a short bit about her dog breed. I could never have done that before.

I can even wave hello to neighbors without waiting for them to wave first!! And after 3 years of living here, I finally asked my next door neighbor what their dog's name was. (Killer.)

Part of me feels weird and sad and stupid about needing to adjust my brain chemistry to function like a normal person. But I try to remind myself: there's nothing wrong with fixing something that was broken. Just like my thyroid wasn't working right, my "being able to talk to people" part of my brain wasn't working right. And it's ok to fix something that is not working. So I think I will ask my doctor to keep me on the antidepressants for the near future.

Maybe I can reduce them slowly over time as I get more practice talking to people. The pills do make me EXTREMELY sensitive to light, so it would be helpful to at least reduce the dose if I can manage it. But that's been one of the only side effects I have experienced, so I am willing to carry a hat or sunglasses whenever I go out if need be.

The other side effect? I have to use a pill organizer now! I feel so old! Between the vitamins my doctor wants me to take and the medications that need to be taken at different times, I had to get a fancy organizer with multiple cups for different points of time during the day. I'm so old. T_T
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