Noticeable progress continues with my medicine. Having energy is a weird sensation. I keep over-doing it since I am so unused to it. But I am not up to full speed yet, so I end up crashing.

I told Ben that once I am back up to normal energy levels, I want to prove myself by hiking the billy goat trail at great falls park. It might be a while before I get there, but that's my goal.

I went to an all-day programming workshop last week, which would have been impossible before the medicine. Even with it though, I crashed right near the end. But I was really grateful for the opportunity!

The workshop was for learning ruby on rails, a framework for making websites. Ben also came with me, as a volunteer for the event, because he is my biggest cheerleader. He's so amazingly supportive.

Ruby on rails was both a lot easier and harder than I expected. The actual ruby part was super easy. But I didn't expect there to be so much css and html involved. I was hoping I could fix up my dad's terrible townhouse website in the near future, but I think I definitely need to do a bit more study first.

Overall it was a good day. Plus they fed us. And I came home with tons of goodies including a rubber duck and a popular ruby programming book.

We left the after-party a bit early due to mutual exhaustion. They worked Ben super hard volunteering and as I mentioned, my energy levels are not 100% just yet.

In other news, Noname had a terrible stomach ache for several days, so I got to come home from the workshop to tons of stinky runny poop all over the house. It was so bad, our dog walker even asked for a text to let her know Noname would be ok.

She was drinking plenty of water and eating at least half her food, so I didn't take her to the vet. Eventually the stomach problems ran their course. She's looking a lot better the last day or so.

I think it was bad dog treats. I narrowed it down to one type of treat I gave her each of those days but not the days when she was feeling better. I'm going to return it and tell the store about the tummy troubles. While the treat didn't affect Maggie, I still think it's better to be overly cautious and report it. With all the bad dog treats out there killing dogs, you can't be too careful.
Last night we had another earthquake. It was a tiny one and I didn't feel it at all, but the dogs both freaked out. Noname was extra clingy and Maggie was crying and hiding under Ben's feet. It's both cool and weird how much more sensitive animals can be about these sorts of things.

Also last night I found out I got into a ruby on rails workshop that I had been wait-listed for. So that's cool. Ruby on rails seems to be what all the cool kids are learning these days. Hopefully I'll learn a lot!

In other news, my rash is definitely not caused by the medicine. This is totally poison ivy. Horrible horrible poison ivy. From my knees up to my chin and YES, on everything in between. It's awful. Everything itches. I used to never get poison ivy. Now I get it every summer. NOT COOL.

But to end on a positive note, I think the thyroid medicine is starting to work a little. My afternoon naps have been shorter and I don't feel nearly as exhausted as I normally do throughout the day. Yay for noticeable progress!
So far so good on the medicine. I don't really feel improved yet, but I'm trying to be optimistic.

Especially since the anti-depressants I'm temporarily on are giving me nausea, a massive rash, and sensitivity to light. If the rash does not start clearing up in a few days, I'm going to stop taking them.

I called my mother yesterday and asked if there was any family history of thyroid issues. Both my mom and my great aunt suffer from hypothyroidism apparently. So at least I know it's genetic and not cancer or something. My mother doesn't take the medication for it though (she says it gave her fibroids), which explains why she's so tired and grumpy and forgetful all the time.

In other news, Maggie has gotten to the point of complete obsession for chasing the ball in the yard. It has gone from a fun activity we can do together to a way of life that must be performed at all hours of the day.

I think I'm going to take the balls away from her for a while and replace playtime with additional walks. At least until I can break her of the compulsion. Then I'll re-introduce the ball for small amounts of time, taking it away again when it's done. Hopefully I can re-establish ball as a short, fun game. Because her constant crying and whining to play ALL DAY is making be absolutely insane.
Results from the doctor came back pretty fast. Based on my symptoms, I had thought maybe I had hypothyroidism. The tests confirmed it. So yay for internet detectiving and poo to being sick.

Hypothyroidism is where your thyroid stops working. The thyroid sends out a hormone that pretty much activates everything else in your body to run properly, so without it you become extremely tired, lose mental focus, gain weight despite healthy diet/exercise, feel cold and sore all the time, and many other not fun things (like depression! woo!).

But luckily it is fairly easy to treat! All you need to do is take a synthetic version of the hormone every day...for the rest of your life... Awesome.

So that's where I am. The doctor prescribed me the synthetic hormone, which I started taking today. It takes 4-6 weeks for it to build up in my system and let me feel normal again and also the doctor will need to adjust the amounts periodically to make sure I'm getting the right quantity. (Too much, and you get hyPERthyroidism, which has its own fun set of not really all that fun symptoms.)

But soon! Feeling better! Hooray! 
Went to the doctor on Friday to figure out the fuzzy brain issues. They asked me a million questions and then drew three HUGE vials of blood for something like 5 or 6 tests. They seem to be taking it seriously, so I guess that's good?

The tests come back in about 2 weeks and then I have another appointment in about a month to go over them and figure out what's next. In the mean time, they got me started on some medicine for what they suspect the problem is. However this medicine makes me feel nauseated alllllll the time.

The first night I took it, I slept maybe 3 hours because I felt so sick. Last night was slightly better, but I still didn't sleep well. I hope the symptoms go away soon because replacing one bad thing with another isn't really progress.

In other news, Computer Science final wasn't that bad aside from having to write an entire program BY HAND. And I didn't have to take the Calc final because I GOT AN A IN THE COURSE!!!

I was so elated by the A, we went out for a celebration dinner. I worked so incredibly hard so I wouldn't have to take that final and it paid off. Now I just need to confirm with George Mason that I don't need calc 3. (Please please tell me I don't need calc 3.)

Now I'm working on my coursera classes. Last night I submitted a blackjack game for my python class. Today I'm going to start a class on Scala. I'm really happy these free online classes exist because I am not a very good self learner when it comes to staying focused. It helps to have those deadlines looming at me.

Ugh. And the drunk guy that keeps calling me just called AGAIN. He started calling me Friday night and has not stopped. He keeps leaving messages looking for someone but his words are so slurred I can't tell who. And he sounds so belligerent, I don't want to pick up and tell him he has the wrong number. Though if he stopped to listen to my voice mail message, he'd quickly figure out it! What a jerk. How do you even call a wrong number for a friend these days anyway? It's all programmed into your phone!
The summer job is an assistant position, so I took it. I won't have any real responsibility. I'll just be helping the teacher keep the kids focused on their activities. Hopefully it won't be too bad.

Honestly, I am completely awkward around kids and I'm terrified. I've been looking up tips and tricks for talking to kids and am overwhelmed. Also, my dad's obsession with me suddenly developing a maternal instinct from this job is extremely annoying.


Friday night was an awards dinner. I was invited and totally intended on blowing it off since those things are super boring. But my comp sci teacher (and adviser to the computer club) strongly encouraged me to go. He implied I was nominated for something. And as things go for me in my life, I won nothing. What a waste of a night. The food wasn't even good.

Last night I was working on a python program and was having the hardest time with the logic concepts. And it was super frustrating because I know I can do this, but something in my brain isn't working lately. I have a really hard time focusing. I think I might need to go to a doctor because this focus issue has been going on for a while and is getting worse.

Here is my program for those that want to play: link (click the play button in the top left corner to start the program).

In other news, it is finals week and the semester is nearly over. I have one remaining final on Monday. It's computer science though, so I'm not worried at all. Easy stuff like arrays and selection statements.

Technically there's a calculus final on Thursday, but it's optional. Last semester I took it and bombed super bad. It was so hard, I cried in the car for a good 15 minutes before I could drive home. Luckily I had done well on all the homework assignments so I managed to pass the course. So this semester I worked my butt off to get the very best score I could on all homework assignments. There is no way I am even thinking about attempting that final.
Got offered a summer job teaching 4th and 5th graders how to program lego robots. It's 4 weeks + training in the middle of the summer.

Normally I'd be pretty excited to FINALLY find someone to hire me, but the wage they offered is painfully low. I think I need to clarify with them on what level of responsibility will be expected of me, because if I'm going to assist a teacher then the wage is acceptable for a summer job. But if I'm leading the class, that's way too low to deal with children. (Though now looking at glassdoor, the offered wage seems to be about middle range for camp counselor...)

On a side note, all the interview stuff was done over email which seems really weird. Why would you trust me with children when you've never met me? But it's a job through the community college so at least I know it's a legit summer camp and not some sort of scam. I just find it pretty weird. Maybe the person who told me about the job gave me a recommendation?

I'm not sure how I want to word the email. I feel like I should have asked about the level of responsibility sooner, but the email conversations were focused on other things and I never really found a good place to fit it in. 
Yesterday the dogs went to the vet for their booster shots and whatnot. Ended up costing me $600 for two healthy dogs. It's a good thing they didn't find anything wrong with them.

Maggie was the star again, as she always is. She was totally hamming it up for treats and cuddles. The vet tech kept stopping what she was doing to fluff Maggie's butt and go, "Ah! I LOVE corgi butts!" And then the other vet techs would stop by, "just to check in" and cuddle Maggie. She got sooooo many treats.

Noname got a clean bill of health which is really good for such an old dog. Confirmed she's a little deaf and a little blind. And reassured that her bed wetting issues are totally normal for old dogs and that if I get tired of waking up every 4 hours at night to take her for a potty break, they can prescribe some medicine to help tighten up her bladder muscles. For now I'm going to keep up with the current strategy, which is both cheaper and side-effect free.

After the vet visit, I went to school to tutor again. I should start charging. Especially since it was almost a no-show. A group of people had called me the night before begging for help, and in the end, only one person showed up and stayed the whole time. Lame.

But the guy that did show up was really focused so that was good. I quizzed him on what was going to be on the test and for anything he didn't know, I gave a small lesson on the material. It went really well. I think unless the guy chokes from stress, he'll get a good grade on the test.

The test that was this morning. Seeing how I was tutoring for it, I was pretty well prepared. Most of the questions were fairly easy aside from one about switch statements. I got the first half of that question, which was explaining when you'd use switch vs if-else. But then the teacher asked us to write and example of one, and I totally flubbed on the syntax. I tried to compensate with comments to explain what I was trying to do, so hopefully I'll at least get partial credit.

Afterwards I tried to get more python class stuff done. I managed to finish the weekly videos and the weekly quizzes, but I didn't have time to start the mini-project at all. I have a study group on that tomorrow night so I guess I'll be working on it there along side everyone else. Usually I spend most of that session helping others, but seeing as how members of the group have been dropping left and right, there will probably be very few people there anyway.

In the evening, I went with Ben to his company's quarterly award ceremony. (Spoiler: Ben did not win.) Those things are always a challenge for me, but I put on a brave face because I'd hate for Ben to have to deal with those things alone.

As soon as we walked in, a small child nearly ran into me. Putting up with all the shrieking children everywhere was the first challenge. At one point, a woman smashed her child's feet into me which was extremely painful and I really wanted to scream at her to watch what she was doing. I did not though. I was good.

The whole place was covered in children. I think every single one of Ben's coworkers had at least one kid. It was terrifying.

Food was another challenge. I'm such a picky eater and I hate being a bother about it, so there is rarely ever anything for me to eat at these things. That was the case this time as well. I ate some cookies and candy sitting at the table before buttery soft pretzels were brought out and I could make a meal of that. I also had some root beer, which was pretty good. The place made it themselves.

Ben and I managed to survive small talk until the awards part of the evening. Ben didn't win anything, but that was expected because this was a regional awards event and most of Ben's team is in the main office. Once we were done clapping for the winners, we made a hasty escape. Some guy was trying to organize a trivia game thing, so it was good we left when we did. (Nothing says fun like work-sponsored activities.)

I have spent the rest of the evening being drained and sad. Being around people always drains me, especially people I don't know. (When I'm around people I do know, I go through a period of extreme manic before I collapse in exhaustion.) I feel a bit angry with the sad too, which is weird and confusing. I feel like people didn't really feel the need to talk to us because we don't have kids and don't want to talk about kid things. They all had their own special club where they talked about diapers and child care and there was Ben and I talking about the beer the restaurant offered or computer programming stuff. I felt we had the better conversation material, but I guess everyone else there disagreed.

And it's probably going to be like that for the rest of my life because I have no intention of having kids. So I'm going to be the weird odd man out forever. It makes me angry and sad and kinda lonely, but there really isn't anything I can do about it. I'm not going to have a kid just to be part of a social group. That would just be giving into peer pressure and would not make me actually happy.

So in general, things are busy, life is stupid, Maggie is cute, Noname is not dead yet.
Since we got back from New Orleans, I've been trying to focus on staying busy so I don't return to my usual habits of wallowing in self pity all day. I have perhaps gone a bit too far in the busy direction though.

This week alone (aside from the usual class and homework stuff) involved me tutoring another classmate in computer science, running for and winning the position of vice president in the computer club, helping to organize a field trip for said club, running an additional meeting for said club, and helping lead a python study group. Today, I am going to volunteer at a local 5K race.

I've kept myself so busy I don't even have time for the fun little things like gardening (my peas should have been planted LAST week) or astronomy (Mars is SUPER close this week and there's a lunar eclipse next week). Plus there is a BABY PANDA in dc that's going to be all grown up by the time I get a chance to go. Pooooo.... :(

Next week my calculus class is canceled so I'm hoping to use that extra time to catch up on things. Realistically, I will probably be just as busy since he assigned TWO take home projects to work on. I also have a computer science test next week. (Which is what I was helping the classmate study for.)

In other news, I have many happy meal my little ponies. Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Princess Celestia, and DJ Pon-3. I'm pretty happy with what I've received so far, though I'm still hoping for a Princess Luna in the future.
We returned from our New Orleans vacation about a week ago. We had a most lovely time. I wish we could have stayed longer.

Some highlights of the trip below the cut. Full set of pictures can be found here.

Fun! Adventure! Food! )
I have been up since 5am with excitement.

I have somehow managed to stay on schedule for this entire week. Did all my homework, got ahead in my android class, studied for midterms, cleaned the house, and various other things one must do before a trip. Finished my last midterm this morning, so my brain is officially dedicated to vacation!

All that is left is packing and preparing for the dog walker.

Our old walker quit so the agency assigned us a new one. She stopped by yesterday to introduce herself and check that the key worked. (It didn't. Luckily we had a spare. Really glad she checked!) Maggie REALLY liked her. It was crazy. So hopefully that means they will all have a good time. But I need to make sure I have everything labeled with lots of clear notes since she doesn't know where anything is or any of the dogs habits.

So yes, packing. I don't know what to wear! I can't remember what 60 degrees feels like. Should I bring short sleeves? Long? A light coat? Maybe I'll just bring everything. :P
Right now I can only see as far out as my new orleans trip. I am focused on getting everything done that needs to be taken care of before the trip.

I had a women in tech club meeting last week which went well. Except I somehow agreed to help run a coursera study group. But that's not until March. I don't have to worry about that yet.

Android class is hard to the point of nearly impossible. But I found videos from a guy in class who actually teaches what we are doing and he is saving my butt. I think I'll be able to get far enough ahead that I won't have to worry about this during our trip.

Today was a computer science club meeting on campus. I ran for president but thankfully lost. (By one vote.) Teacher who runs the club would like me to run for other offices if the other officers don't show up again. (None of them showed up to this one.) Problem is that the next meeting is on Thursday, which is Ben's birthday. I guess we could theoretically postpone celebrations to the next day.

I'm making a cake for him though. I spent much of the afternoon trying to find high quality cocoa powder. No one around here had anything good. Ended up with hersheys. I am sorry ben. :(

I have both a calculus and a comp sci test next week. I have no time to study for them. Somehow agreed to get involved with a study group for the comp sci one.

I think I might take a short nap before making dinner and then doing math homework. If I finish early, I might even do some comp sci homework!
My inability to get an internship is becoming distressing.

In the mean time, stuff.

Classes continue. I am kinda overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to do. Comp Sci is easy, but calculus class has a pretty heavy workload. And on top of that, I'm taking a coursera class on android programming which is extremely heavy. Maybe it would be easier if I had more programming experience. I spend a lot of time wondering what the questions are even asking. Ben has had to help me a lot and explain a good portion of the assignments to me.

But in fun news, we have a trip to New Orleans planned for the near future! Hotels are booked, so no changing our minds now. I want to eat so many things! I want roman candy, beignets, snoballs, pralines...all the good stuff that will give me diabetes! Ben wants to eat blackened catfish, so at some point I need to research the best places for that.

Hotel rates were kinda pricy, so the plan is to stay in Metarie the first two nights and then upgrade to a hotel in the quarter for the last two. The first day, we're probably going to sleep much of the day away anyway because we're driving down. (16 hours! Woo!) And then I figure we can do something that would keep us out of the city proper anyway, like an airboat tour through a swamp. Once we get to the city, I want to go to the Insectarium and the WW2 museum. They're supposed to both be pretty good!

And of course spending time with friends is key. This will be a good, fun trip!

Also, Ben's mom wants to do some sort of family vacation. Unfortunately the options are painfully wide open. I'm having a hard time narrowing things down! I think I have a few ideas/options.
1. 5 night cruise out of FL - Pros: Many ship options, nice weather, many itineraries. Cons: Can be pricey, everyone will have to fly in.
2. 5 night cruise out of Baltimore - Pros: Very affordable, easy access for me and Ben, family can arrive early and stay with us. Cons: limited itineraries, limited ship options
3. 3-4 nights cruise out of FL + 1-2 days at Disney - Pros: Variety, many ship options, can be affordable. Cons: Everyone has to fly in, short itineraries, short cruises tend to be booze cruises, Disney tickets are pricey for limited days.

If we do the Disney option, the cruise I think should be in early December. I have found that to be the absolute best time to visit Disney. Nice weather, low crowds, and everything is decorated for the holidays!

Planning for multiple people is so hard! Ben's mom seems to be happy with whatever, so that's easy. But his sister has schedule concerns that I need to keep in mind. (Silly employed people!) Plus she seemed concerned about the price. And Ben doesn't seem too keen on the Disney idea. He's not a fan of theme parks. But he expressed interest in eating all the foods at Epcot, so there's hope for him yet. Hopefully I can figure it all out and make everyone happy!
I went to a thing last night. With people. It was scary.

The local makerspace decided to start up a women in tech group. This was the first meeting. Overall, I think it was a success for me. I met a few people and got some business cards to do some cool things in the future perhaps.

Now I just need to work up the courage to email these people again. It was hard enough getting myself out of the house to go to this meeting!

Pity party

Jan. 19th, 2014 02:58 pm
I've been pretty down lately and I don't know it's it's a particularly bad case of the winter blues or what.

I hate having no nearby close friends to do stupid/fun stuff with. The baby panda is on display, but I've got no one to go with me. I'll probably miss out just because I'm stupid and lonely. It'll be like that exhibit at the botanic garden I wanted to see over the holidays. Never went to that either. Or zoolights. Or even the local holiday lights show thing.

I don't even bother asking non-nearby/non-close friends to do stuff anymore because I can't handle the potential for rejection. So I just sit in my office feeling bad for myself.

It's cold out anyway, so maybe it's for the best if I just stay home.

My birthday is in about 2 weeks and it's reminding me of what a huge failure I've been the last year or so. No job, schooling isn't particularly challenging... What am I doing with my life? I feel pretty useless

And I don't understand what I'm doing wrong in terms of internships. I keep getting rejected. Why doesn't anyone like me?
Classes started this week. I continue to feel like I am flailing around and wasting time and money not knowing what I'm doing with my life.


Comp Sci so far continues to be ridiculously easy. So far it has been all review from last semester. Looking at the syllabus, this trend should continue for at least a month. Bah. At least it'll be easy, but I am so ridiculously bored in class.

Calc 2 is already scaring me. I will try my best, as I always do, but I feel like it takes me longer to grasp the concepts than the rest of the class. And now they're throwing in a THIRD dimension! I was having a super hard time wrapping my brain around those questions. I hope I can figure it out soon.

The first Calc test is this Thursday. Pretty fast! But luckily it's mostly review from last semester. Unluckily, this teacher gives crazy hard tests. I figure I'll do a couple dozen practice questions to make sure I've got the concepts down and then hope he doesn't try to abuse us too badly on the test.

And in addition to college classes, I am going to take a coursera class on making android apps. I think the course prerequisites might be slightly above my level, but the class is free so I don't see the disadvantage of at least giving it a try.

And so far no internships. Though I get plenty of very professional, "Sorry, you're not what we are looking for" emails. Awesome. But I'll keep trying.

My husband has banished me to my home office by moving my computer in here. He thinks it will make me more productive. Instead I will post on livejournal about how alone I am and how nobody understands me. That's how this thing still works, right?

Holidays have happened. I have somehow survived.

Christmas day was lovely. Ben took me to see the second Hobbit film. Then we went to a chinese buffet.

I don't think the second hobbit was as good as the first, but it was still ok. However, it was blatantly obvious they spent their entire cgi budget on smaug and then got some interns to do the rest of the effects in the film. Some of the special effects were cringe-worthy.

At some point over the holidays I started confusing c's and g's when I write/type. This is baffling and perhaps a brain tumor.

After christmas, my parents drove down to help me paint my dining room. Except my mother is insane so she did all the painting while yelling at me that I was too slow to help. Instead I helped my dad with other small odds and ends like installing hooks in the garage to hang our new ladder.

The room does look nice and and she even installed a new door that leads to the garage. The new door is significantly less drafty. I had her install a chair rail around the room too. All that needs to be done now is re-upholstering the chairs to match the paint. That means going out into the cold though. But at least if I do that I can say I did do something to fix up the dining room.

New years was low-key. My parents were still here. I made tons of tiny snacks that were heavily cheese focused. We watched stop motion movies until midnight. We couldn't get the ball drop on tv, so ben watched his phone until it hit midnight. He yelled, "Zero!" and we all shouted "Happy new year!" Then we all immediately went to bed.

My parents left the next day in a hurry because a blizzard was about to hit NY and they didn't want to get stuck driving home in it. I then slept about 10 hours straight to relieve the stress.

Now it is snowing. I hate the snow. Will summer be back soon?

Gift Highlights:
- Magic tv box that turns our upstairs tv into a google tv
- New comforter that does not make me sneeze all night
- Corgi mug with a surprise corgi at the bottom
- Magic apple peeler just like the one I played with as a kid
- Many good books
- Many fun kitchen widgets
Yesterday ben and I went to a big crafts show to look for more xmas gifts. It was moderately successful. I had a few things in mind I wanted to look for, and strangely enough, there were none of those at the show. There was, however, a great wealth of jewelry, pottery, and pens. After a while they all started to blend together and made me feel a little crazy. Also, the number of slow moving old ladies was not optimal. But we endured and bought quite a few gifts, so overall it was a success.

I was starving and shaky by the end though, so ben found me a place to eat right outside the expo center. It was a chicago hot dog place with weird neon green relish. I got a kids meal which I was amused to discover was the same size as the adult meal, but with a smaller drink. Same size hot dog and fries.

After that, we visited a few stores to try to finish up gift buying. Ended up doing battle through a broken stoplight where no one could figure out how traffic rules work. It was madness. Thankfully on the return trip through cops had shown up to direct traffic.

We took a short nap when we got home, and then I studied a bit while preparing dinner. I have a comp sci final today. I'm mildly nervous since our class right before the final was canceled due to snow. All I have to go on is an email from my teacher on what to focus on. And english is not his first language....

But hopefully I will do well. It's not hard stuff. It's just a little challenging remember the specific definitions my teacher has in mind. He takes off points if you miss the key words he is looking for even if the definition is still correct, which is pretty annoying.

After this test, I am done for the semester. School starts again in mid-january. I have a few winter break goals:
1. Clean house for parental visit
2. Apply to 5-10 internships/part time jobs
3. Write a simple calculator program in java
4. Catch up on my comic books
5. Paint the dining room
I learned yesterday that heartburn meds causes b-12 deficiency. Which is just another piece of the giant "what's wrong with me" monument that is being built.

I don't know if I should start this at the end or the beginning.

So my shoulder was bothering me for a long time. I had accepted it was an unfortunate aspect of living with scoliosis and got on with my life. Eventually it got so bad I was taking pain killers every day just to feel somewhat functional. Then I started getting heart burn. I went to a doctor and she said to take otc heartburn meds. So I started doing that. Then my shoulder was getting so bad that nothing could help and I couldn't sleep at night. So I went to another doctor. She sent me to a physical therapist. She also did a blood test and noticed I was dangerously low on b-12. I started taking vitamins for that.

After I started going to physical therapy, my shoulder stopped hurting. So I stopped taking pain killers every day. Then I noticed that at some point I had forgotten to take my next dose of heart burn meds and never started again because it didn't hurt anymore. And I suspect it'll be safe to stop taking b-12 vitamins too!

It's pretty crazy how it was all connected. And kinda infuriating that no doctor really sat down to figure it all out. They just treated the immediate problem with no concern for the cause!



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