(no subject)

[holytoastr]

Talking to my mom about wedding stuff always makes HER angry.

First of all, she's annoyed that I don't want to get married in a church. She's never going to win that argument though. She also thinks it's inappropriate to get married in the same place you are going to eat and dance. She was not able to explain why.

Then she wanted to know when I was going to find time to take pictures if I was having the wedding all in one place. (Not sure how this is a problem in her mind, but okay...) I told her I would do them before the ceremony. She flipped out a bit because the groom isn't supposed to see the bride before the ceremony.

I calmly explained that I'm not superstitious and that before the ceremony is the perfect time to take pictures. My make up will be fresh, my hair will still look neat, and my dress won't have any wrinkles. Once I start moving around, I'm going to look like a mess, so it would be smart to take the pictures as early as possible.

At some point we were talking about food and she got upset cause I mentioned I wanted a buffet. It's less expensive and allows people to eat as much or little as they like of only the things they like. Mom says it will make me look cheap. (Well, I am cheap, but if my guests didn't know that already then they don't know me well at all.) I told her that anyone who would feel that way doesn't need to be invited. She told me SHE'D think I was cheap. I told her she could skip the wedding and go to a nice restaurant instead, since she was saving so much money by not paying for this wedding.

Seriously, if someone thinks less of me for not going broke at my wedding, I don't want them there. The only people I want at my wedding are the people who actually want to see ben and I get married. If they are just there for the food, I don't want them bringing down the happy mood.

I don't know what her problem is. I'm paying for the wedding so anything that might "embarrass her" can be blamed on me.

Comments

[glazomaniac.livejournal.com]

what if we're there to embarrass her?

[holytoastr.livejournal.com]

Again she can blame it on me cause you're my friends.

[danithesquirrel.livejournal.com]

Buffets are fabulous! Also, people aren't there for the food. We'll be there for you two!

[holytoastr.livejournal.com]

I think buffets are great. As a picky eater, I like being able to fill a plate with nothing but pasta or veggies.

My mom thinks my entire family will only be there for the food. Now I know why SHE goes to weddings. I would never go to a wedding where I wasn't there for the actual wedding.

[selena-kyle.livejournal.com]

/me sends kisses.

[holytoastr.livejournal.com]

I feel bad for ben. He's going to be marrying into this insanity. I get a nice, sane family and he gets my mom.

[selena-kyle.livejournal.com]

Eh...everyone has a crazy family. We're just super laid-back about traditions and stuff bc we (as a family) have never been properly socialized. ;-)

[taraisagoddess.livejournal.com]

WOW. Your mom is fucking crazy! I'm so glad you're being logical about it all!

I wish we could smack some sense into her. :|

[holytoastr.livejournal.com]

I'm not too worried about her insanity. I'm paying for the wedding so I have all the power in this situation. (This is why I was so adamant about paying for it myself.)

Her only options are to accept the wedding on my terms or skip her only daughter's wedding.

[taraisagoddess.livejournal.com]

Somehow I doubt she'd skip it. I just don't see that happening.

It's ok - I will make sure to smile the whole time! That way she'll see people enjoying it, and probably be confused and dismayed. ;P

Who cares? We're going to have fun!

[holytoastr.livejournal.com]

I think she'll be the only one there unhappy.

[eunicemcgee.livejournal.com]

For real. You were so smart to insist on that happening and not give in to any offers of financial assistance. It's such a relief to hear the ball is ultimately in your court, so to speak.

[holytoastr.livejournal.com]

I could see her insanity a million miles away on this one.

[skwerlie.livejournal.com]

As much stress as it was doing 100% of the planning ourselves... in a way it was nice having our wedding in a different country from my parents. > < Though mine aren't as controlling or worried about "looking bad" as your mom. Good luck dealing with her. D :

[holytoastr.livejournal.com]

Parents should never be allowed to plan their children's weddings.

[laura47.livejournal.com]

But it's embarrassing because it means that SHE didn't raise YOU will, to be so INCREDIBLY GAUCHE as to have A BUFFET.

I think we can all agree that she didn't raise you well in terms of shaping you into the person /she/ wants you to be. :-)

*crazy mother sympathy*

(maybe it's conservation of crazy, mine's been nice lately! Sent me gift cards I wanted! Craziness!)

the, uh, 3rd wedding I went to this year was all at one location. We had the ceremony, which was very nice, then we we guided out into the adjacent cocktail area, full of tables and buffet appetizers and a bar, and the couple disappeared and we socialized, then eventually they opened up the room we'd been in and they'd completely reorganized, and it had gone from aisles of chairs to standard round tables with chairs around a dance floor. it was ll int he same room, but you could barely tell, and why is that a problem anyway? It worked great. I don't think I got any really good pictures of the space, but it was here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/laura47/sets/72157606601820124/

[holytoastr.livejournal.com]

Maybe it is conservation of crazy, because my mom has become noticeably crazier over the years.

Having the reception in the same place as the ceremony would be more convenient for I think everyone. Less driving for all!

[laura47.livejournal.com]

I definitely prefer not having to travel far. Two of the weddings this summer have had the reception the next day or many hours later, and that was rather an imposition. (In both cases they went out for a fancy family only dinner after the ceremony and left the guests to do as we pleased, but they were also very local for most of us)

[holytoastr.livejournal.com]

Almost everyone would have to travel for this wedding, so I'd definitely feel like a bad host leaving everyone to entertain themselves until the next part of the party. This way, the ceremony conveniently flows right into dinner and none of the out of town guests have to figure out what to do with themselves.

[laura47.livejournal.com]

yeah, not a fan of the break or of traveling. what you're doing all sounds good. :-)

[tibbaretihw.livejournal.com]

what you are wanting in a wedding is pretty much how every one I have been to recently has gone. pictures after the wedding is a very bad idea, face blotchy from crying and making your guests wait on you. One set of my friends got to capture seeing the bride for the first time moment while taking the picks before hand they even cleared out the room of everyone except the couple and the photographer. I think buffets are the standard for middle of the road priced weddings and not cheap ones. Want to save more money get an army of old ladies to make your food. One of my cousis did that and her recption was in a machine shed at the fair grounds. Everyone survived.

[holytoastr.livejournal.com]

Exactly. A buffet is still not cheap. It's middle-price, but still nice catering. I could do pot luck if I really wanted a cheap wedding!

[unfailingstar.livejournal.com]

1. your mom has some nerve since SHE'S NOT PAYING FOR IT!!!!!!

2. there is absolutely nothing wrong with a buffet.

3. having the wedding ceremony at the same location as the reception is becoming more and more trendy, as it is more convenient for the guests and everyone else involved. fact. check it out in some bridal magazines

4. i was reading recently about how people are going broke throwing these ridiculous, extravagant weddings. it's not about that. it's about having a ceremony to celebrate that you have found your partner, and having loving, supportive people with you to celebrate with you and encourage you both. Let your ceremony and reception reflect who you both are. you're mom is being a poophead. maybe she should see someone about this serious need to control; i think it's about way more than just your wedding.

p.s.- where does your dad stand in all of this?

[holytoastr.livejournal.com]

#4 - Yes, I refuse to go broke over something silly like a wedding party. As long as I get married, it will be a successful event.

PS - My dad doesn't like a lot of the stuff I'm doing, but he understands that since I'm paying for the whole thing, he has little control over it. Like, he doesn't want me to take pictures before the wedding and he told me so, but there was no fight when I gave him my reasons for doing them early.

embarrassed

[unfailingstar.livejournal.com]

enough to want to make someone just elope!

the more i think about it, the more i just want something small to avoid the circus.

good luck, and stay strong! if your mom doesn't let up, she's going to be feeling embarrased not by your wedding, but by her behavior!

Re: embarrassed

[unfailingstar.livejournal.com]

you know what would be great? having your friends come up to her throughout the night with comments like "i love how melissa and ben decided to have the reception at the same place as the ceremony, it made it so much easier for everyone!" or "i love how this wedding is so original! what a great change from these stuffy, traditional things we all have to go to!"