Sailor Soldier of Love and Justice

Last night I was looking at ben's secret private entries (with his permission) to see what kind of stuff he wrote about. It was pretty boring, actually. No confessions of his eternal love for me or anything. :P

But he did have some old lj drama things saved. Stuff that had long been deleted or friends locked in their original locations. It had me thinking about old stuff, from a different perspective. I kinda wonder if I'm really not as crazy as I let myself believe I am.

It was one line I read. Ben had wrote about portraying me as the antagonist so that the party in question wouldn't feel guilty. It really struck me because I really do blame myself for a lot of the stuff that happened. But maybe I really did try hard enough, and the other party had no desire to cooperate. They had already convinced themselves I was the big bad villain.

I know, I know, I should just forget all this stuff. But it's hard to do when I was friends with them for nearly the entire time I was in college. That's a big chunk of life right there. But at least I can feel a little better knowing I tried as much as I could. Any improvement in the situation would have required a change in perspective from the other party.

In happier news, I need to think of a domain name. If I can't think of something happy and shiny, I guess I can just settle on some version of holytoastr.